


The pain

by JupiterLife



Category: Nevermoor Series - Jessica Townsend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23624335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JupiterLife/pseuds/JupiterLife
Summary: Morrigan can’t take it anymore.She just wants to end it all.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	The pain

Morrigan was having the worst school year of her life. It was so horrible and unlivable that she would have preferred to have been killed that evening, at the Crow Manor, the day of her eleven birthday.

Now, she was sixteen. She'd grown up. She'd learned. She's evolved. Yet... something hadn't changed in all these years. The hatred of her schoolmates towards her.

Since her first year at Wunsoc, Morrigan had been harassed and humiliated. But this year was particularly difficult. At first, the students just called her Knackless. The useless. It was difficult, but bearable.

But, eventually, they had all grown up. And the Charlton Five too. They had become even more vicious. If in the beginning, they only used verbal abuse, they ended up coming to blows.

Very often, Heloise Redchurch and her friends trapped her in the toilet to take her by surprise. At least once a day, they trapped and hit her for long minutes all over her body, except in the face, to avoid any suspicion. It was their secret.

Morrigan had never told anyone about it, and had no plans to do so anytime soon. It was too humiliating. She was a Wundersmith, and yet she was so weak-headed that she didn't even have the strength to defend herself. Every day, she waited for her sentence, and she endured her ordeal without a word. She pretended in front of her unit, and more importantly, in front of Jack and Jupiter, the two people she loved the most in the world.

They never noticed anything, even with their power as Witnesses. Morrigan had become so good at hiding her emotions that even Jupiter could only see a vague gray mist floating around her. He had been pointing out to her every day for more than five months, and each time she replied the same thing : '' Everything is fine Jupiter, stop worrying about me ''.

But today was going to be a different day. That afternoon, Morrigan was with Hawthorne, Cadence and Archan. All three went to the cafeteria, and had spent their morning in reinforced Latin. It had been soporific.

'' This lesson have exhausted me, '' complains Hawthorne, yawning very loudly.

" They will end up killing us, '' Archan retorts, stretching.

'' Seriously guys, be a little more courageous ! '' Exclaims Cadence. '' Do you even want to be part of the Society at this point or what ? Get moving ! Tell them Morrigan ! '' 

But Morrigan was paying absolutely no attention to her friends. Heloise and her acolytes were in the same corridor as them, leaning against their lockers, and chatting with each other. When Cadence, Archan and Hawthorne noticed the Charlton Five, all three turned a sorry face towards their friend.

'' Morrigan, if you want to, we can change our way, '' Hawthorne tent, hesitant.

'' Yeah, we totally can do that ! '' Hurries to add Archan nervously.

'' We'd destroy them anyway, '' Cadence finished, pushing Morrigan across the hall.

But it was too late. Heloise had met Morrigan's eyes, and had her in her sights. Morrigan didn't move, and watched her, ready to receive her missile. Archan and Hawthone tried to move her forward, without success. Something had just crossed the mind of her worst enemy, and it wasn't a good omen.

'' Here is the Demonic Creature ! '' Laughs Heloise. '' So, how many people have you killed just today ? '' 

Morrigan clenched her fists. She hated her with all her soul. She didn't seem to have even an ounce of kindness in her. She bitterly regretted the days of Noelle Devereaux, when she was only a child.

'' What, you lost your tongue, the monster ? '' Then shouts a friend of Heloise, while Cadence tries with difficulty to move away Morrigan from the group.

'' Give it up, '' retorts Heloise in a sweet voice. '' Her mom obviously didn't have time to teach her politeness '' 

Suddenly, the air changed considerably in the corridor. Morrigan stopped walking, her breathing dangerously quick. Cadence was holding her arm so tight that she was sure to have a bruise the next day.

'' Morrigan..., " whispers her friend. " Stop. You're so much better than them '' 

" Cadence, let go of me, '' she said simply.

'' No ''

'' Let go of me. Immediately, " she insists.

'' But think about it, you idiot ! This is exactly what they want you to do '' 

'' I said let go ! '' Exclaims Morrigan, violently withdrawing her arm from her friend's grip.

Cadence, shocked but also upset, looked at her with a mixture of anger and fear.

When Morrigan turned, Archan and Hawthorne blocked her way. Heloise and her friends were still laughing while watching them.

'' Let me pass '' 

'' Not even in dreams, '' retorts Archan, arms crossed.

'' Morrigan, '' then whispers Hawthorne. '' Please, calm down. You're scaring me ''

'' I will not repeat it. Let me pass '' 

'' I really don't see why you all protect her, '' retorts Heloise, proud of her. '' If even her mother died because she didn't want her... it's really that something's wrong with her '' 

Then everything changed. Morrigan took advantage of the shock and anger of her friends who all looked at Heloise, to overtake them and rush to her enemy. She would have swear that she seen her smile of satisfaction for a few seconds before she jumped on her to punching her in the face with all her strength. She felt her hands burn in pain, but she didn't care. She hit Heloise wherever she could. There were six of them trying to hold her, but no one could move her. Morrigan was no longer Morrigan. She was just a ball of hatred, rage and sadness.

Heloise was trying to wrestle and punched her in the face. Then, Murgatroy, outraged, finally arrived in the corridor where everyone watched, frightened, the Wundersmith go wild.

'' STOP IT IMMEDIATELY ! '' Howled the Mistress.

Morrigan awoke from her trance, and staggered, getting up with difficulty. Her hands were bleeding, and her left eye ached terribly. As Heloise's friends helped her up, those of Morrigan watched her, frightened. Archan and Cadence were livid. But the reaction that broke her heart the most was her best friend's, Hawthorne. He was crying. Real silent tears ran down his cheeks.

And that's when something broke inside her. A part of her soul seemed to have evaporated away. She stopped shaking, or staggering. As Hawthorne raised a hesitant hand to his friend, she took a step back.

'' Miss Crow..., '' begins Murgatroyd, white with anger.

But Morrigan didn't let her finish her sentence. It was over. She had enough. It was all over. Despite many calls from her friends, she started to run.

She crossed the campus at breakneck speed. The housetrain wouldn't arrive until tonight, so without hesitation, she broke the rules and ran through the streets of Nevermoor to the Deucalion as fast as she could. Tears ran mechanically down her cheeks.

In barely half an hour, Morrigan, without emotions, was looking at this large building where she had lived for more than five years now. It had become her home in such a short time... her favorite place in the world with inside, her favorite people in the world.

Without hesitation, she opened the door and entered the hotel's crowded lobby. There were so many customers that the staff members didn't even notice her.

" It's for the best, '' she said to herself. '' It will be less difficult ''

Like an automaton, Morrigan, still full of blood on her hands and an eye with black edges, climbed the first steps of the stairs, when a young boy of about eighteen years, brown skin, black hair, watched her worried.

'' Mo... Morrigan, '' he whispers. '' BUT SHIT, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU ? ''

He'd grown up too. He'd helped her so much these past few years, and now she was going to make him suffer.

'' I'm fine, '' she answers simply.

Without another words, she continued to climb the stairs. Jack grabbed her by the arm to stop her, but as if the touch of her skin had burned him, he immediately removed it with a little noise. He watched Morrigan without moving, mouth wide open. She took the opportunity to get back on the road, leaving him there on the steps, in shock. She knew very well why he was in this state. Just by touching her and looking at her, Jack had guessed what she was about to do. But his body seemed to refuse to print the information. And it was once again, for the best. Morrigan didn't want anyone to stop her from ending her suffering.

Like a robot with no emotions, she climbed the steps leading to the roof of the hotel. The fresh air gently caressed her face when the door closed behind her.

There was a divine silence. Now that she knew she was about to end her suffering for good, Morrigan finally felt in peace with herself. So, slowly but surely, she walks calmly over the edge of the roof. Standing at the edge of the precipice, she closed her eyes and let the wind caress her face for a few more seconds. She was now aware of everything that was going on around her. Wind, noises around the city, her breath...

She cherished this place above all. It was here that for the first time, she had met her family. It was here that for the first time, she had been offered her very first gift.

She lifted one leg into the void. It was finished. She won't suffer ever again. Finally, she was going to join her mother who she missed terribly.

But, she didn't have time to jump since a scream tore the soothing silence of the roof.

'' MORRIGAN ''

This voice, she recognized it among a thousand. Her patron. Jupiter was there. Jack called him for sure... but, too ashamed of being in such a state in front of him, she didn't answer. Neither looked at him. She simply had her gaze directed far away.

She could hear Jupiter's footsteps on the gravel, who was slowly approaching her.

'' Mo... Morrigan, '' he gulped. '' What are you doing ? It's dangerous here, get down from there ''

But she wasn't listening.

'' Mog, take my hand. Come on, I don't want you to fall '' 

'' But what if it was all what I wanted ? ''

Her voice echoed across the large empty space of the roof. She was cold, without any intonation.

'' What are you talking about ? Don't say such things. Of course you don't want to fall '' 

Morrigan didn't answer. Why did Jupiter had to come to her ? She just wanted everything to end. She couldn't take it anymore. Tears ran down her cheeks again.

'' Mog, please. Get down... what are you doing on the edge of the void ? '' 

'' Jupiter.... I don't want to live anymore, " she says, with a broken voice. 

Her patron jumped. 

" Morrigan... what are you talking about ? " He asks, now extremely nervous. 

" I... I have too much pain. I can't... I can't... I don't want to... I just want to die, I just wanna go, please, let... let me go, let me just give up. I'm begging you ''

Her sobs invaded the roof. She was crying so hard, and she was in so much pain... she sits on the edge of the roof, ready to jump in a second.

'' Mog, stop, don't move. Just look at me ''

But Morrigan didn't want to watch her patron. She was crying so many tears and there was so much wind that she saw almost nothing. All she had to do was jump. That's all she had to do.

'' Morrigan, I said look at me ''

Jupiter's voice took over. Gently, she planted her watery eyes in those of Jupiter. For the first time, she met his gaze. And he was full of terror, misunderstanding, and above all, full of suffering.

'' I don't want to Jupiter, I don't want to live anymore, I can't do that, I can't... ''

'' Mog, keep looking at me. Look at me, please ''

She didn't let go of his gaze.

'' Do you want to know something about me that nobody knows ? ''

Morrigan continued to watch her patron silently. He took her silence for a yes.

'' Ten years ago, I stood in exactly the same place as you. I was in the same situation. I'd just lost my sister, my parents and my brother-in-law in just one week. So, like you, I went up on the roof and... and... ''

Jupiter hardly swallowed. He had a hard time talking about it. Morrigan stood motionless on the edge of the void, drinking the words of her patron.

''Like you, I wanted everything to stop. It was way too painful. But, Dame Chanda found me and kept me from jumping. She persuaded me to hold on a little bit longer. I was still alive, but I was just a ghost. For five years, I learned to grieve. Then... you came into my life. You, my little Mog. My little Mogsters. My Morrigan Crow. And you lit up my life. You and Jack... you're the two most precious things that can exist in my eyes. Losing you... would be like dying. So... Mog... please... whatever you're going through now and pushes you to want to end it, to separate from me, your family, your friends... hold on. I beg you to hold on. Take my hand, and we'll fix everything. I promise you "

Morrigan watched Jupiter to find the slightest lie. And there was none. He was telling the truth. And that truth, was tearing her heart apart. The idea that her patron may have felt this suffering was unbearable.

Reluctantly, little by little, her body became alert.

'' Mog..., '' Jupiter whispers one last time. '' Please take my hand. You're not alone. I love you. Jack loves you. Your friends love you ''

Then, slowly, Morrigan held out her bloody hands and grabbed the one Jupiter offered her. As soon as her hand was in his, Jupiter hugged her with all his strength in his arms. Now she was almost his size. But he still had a head more than her.

'' You will be fine... I promise you that things will gets better... shut.. ''

Morrigan cried all the tears from her body in Jupiter's arms for very long minutes. After a long time, she finally calm down. She had no more tears to shed.

'' Don't do that to me again, Mog. Never again. You hear me ? ''

'' I ... I'm sorry, '' she sobs.

Wanting to wipe away her tears with her hand, she put blood all over her face. Jupiter jumped.

'' Look at your hands ! But why would you do that ? And your eye... you're going to have a hell of an eye with black edges ''

He wiped some of her tears to keep her from getting blood everywhere, and watched her face from all angles.

'' Murgatroyd called me. Trust me, Charlton will hear news from me ''

That, Morrigan never doubted for a second. Then, seeming to realize that Morrigan was there in front of him, all alive, Jupiter took her a second time in his arms.

'' I'll never abandon you. Never ''

Morrigan hugged him even tighter. Her suffering was still there, deep inside. But she now knew that Jupiter would be there for her. Whatever happens. Thanks to him, she will gets trough this.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for your little heart 🥺  
> It was a one shot by the way.


End file.
